But is it?
When is enough, enough?
Am I enough?
I think one of the problems we have as women, (sorry boys out there, I’m sure some of you struggle with this as well, but I think we women have a monopoly on this) is understanding that we are enough.
- I am good enough.
- I am pretty enough.
- I am skinny enough.
- I am smart enough.
- I am worthy enough.
- I am enough!
As I have mentioned before, I am a perfectionist. Now I use to joke about this and make light of it, but recently I read a definition of perfectionism in a book I am reading called “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. It goes like this:
Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfect, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgement, and blame.
She goes on to say:
Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception – we want to be perceived as perfect. Again, this is unattainable – there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying.
To overcome our perfectionism, we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities, and let’s be honest, who wants to do that?
Well, me actually! I am learning that I don’t have to be perfect to be accepted and loved. The house doesn’t always have to be perfectly clean and tidy, the bed doesn’t always have to be made and I don’t always have to say the right thing for people to accept and love me.
On one hand, it has been incredibly freeing for me and on the other hand it scares me silly.
- What if people saw my messy house?
- What if I said the wrong thing to someone?
- What if people saw my colour co-ordinated wardrobe had an outfit out of place?
- What if people came for dinner and my pantry was a mess with the can labels not all lined up (ok, so I still have OCD tendencies, but I am working on that too!)
- What if I’m not who they thought I was?
- What if they saw that I was just, well, normal?
All of these questions are followed by…….. What would they think of me?
And my answer this week would be…… Who cares?
Now a big part of me still screams ME, I care what they think, but I am learning to still that screaming voice and listen to the voice of reason that would tell me, if they truly love and accept me for who I really am, then they will still love me, and if they don’t accept me, warts and all (well, I don’t actually have any warts, but I do have a pimple this week!) then they are not worthy of my love anyway.
I don’t judge someone by the state of their pantry so why would I think someone would do that to me?
I am learning (slowly) that I am enough. I always have been, I always will be, and nothing I can say, do or how many cans I have lined up, will change that!
Now there is a difference between perfectionism and healthy striving. Perfectionism would be for the benefit of others, healthy striving would be for the benefit of me. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with bettering ourselves, in fact, I am all for it, but we should always check our motives.
So repeat after me everyone “I am enough”