Most of the time, I feel like my life is like a roller coaster. Actually, I love roller coasters, but being on one constantly 24/7 can leave you exhausted and feeling nauseated! Some days I just want to scream:
“Stop, I want to get off!”
It’s a roller coaster of good days and bad days. Days of feeling like I am worth it and days I feel I am not. Days where I could take on the world, one handed and other days where all I want to do is hide from it! Moments of feeling like I can make a difference, and moments of sheer terror as I face another day not feeling like I measure up.
I am on quite a journey at the moment. A journey of discovering who God has created me to be and learning that that is enough. You’d think after 40 something years on this planet, I would have things sussed by now, but it’s a constant journey and one I don’t think I will be finished until I am standing face to face with God and he says those words that I so long to hear “Well done, my good and faithful servant”
I want to stand before God, head held high knowing I did the best I could with the gifts and talents he gave me. Knowing I didn’t waste opportunities, and knowing I made a difference.
It’s a journey, and with all journey’s come the highs and the lows. But it’s a journey I have chosen to be on. Sure, I could bury my head in the sand, not worry about what people think of me and not try and improve myself, some days I think it would be so much easier to just lie on the couch watching tv and eating french fries…… Hmmm, french fries! But for me, that’s not an option. I know God has more in store for me than what I am currently living, so why would I not search and discover the gold he has hidden, not just for me but also in me.
Sometimes I think I am so worried about what other people think of me, I lose sight of who I really am and who God created me to be!
For as long as I can remember I have been a people pleaser. I will do things out of my comfort zone, things I don’t want to do, things I don’t have time to do, just so I won’t offend anyone. Heaven forbid if someone doesn’t like me!
But you know what I have come to learn over the years? I can’t please everyone all of the time, I cannot make people like me, no matter how hard I try or how many acts of service I do.
So I am learning to say no! Not in a bad mean way, but I am learning that I don’t have to take on everything I am asked to do. Sure, I may be capable, but that doesn’t mean I was meant to do it. I am learning it’s ok to say no to certain things which actually gives me more time to work on the things I know God has called me to do.
Yes, I still worry about not pleasing everyone, it’s a constant battle for me, realizing that not everyone is going to like me. But at the end of the day, it comes down to what God thinks of me, and deep down I know he is well pleased with me, and really, that’s all that should matter! Right?