I was privileged to give the Communion talk at Church last week. I always love being given the opportunity to share, whether it’s in front of the whole Church or at any of our Women’s events. I think I love the opportunity as it always draws me closer to God. Public speaking doesn’t come naturally to me so I really need to draw close to God to get me through. There is no way I could stand up in a room full of people and speak if He didn’t give me the strength and courage to do so!
As I was preparing my talk, it just wasn’t coming together! My thoughts were all over the place, and every time I put pen to paper, it sounded like a rambling mess of randomness! It didn’t seem to matter what I did or how much time I put into it, it just wasn’t gelling. Ok, God, it’s now up to you because this girl is fresh out of amazing!
Whenever I speak, my prayer is always that people would hear God. Despite what comes out of my mouth, they would hear God speak to them. So, I arrived at Church and a friend asked if I was feeling nervous (I have come a long way since I first started speaking and no longer vomit from nerves before I go on stage!) I said I wasn’t too nervous, but was not happy with my talk, and will just do my best (all God has ever asked of me!)
So I walked up on stage, and I spoke. I just let the words fall out of my mouth and hoped God would intercept them on the way to people’s ears. I finished my talk, prayed, took the elements and sat down!
Well, at least it was over! I would understand if I was never asked to speak again, was thankful for the opportunity and resigned myself to the fact that my communion career was over!
As I sat through the service the voices in my head got louder and louder, telling me that I was a failure. That no one cared what I had to say, that I would never be asked again, and really, that was quite understandable because of the poor job I had just done. I was given an opportunity to share God’s heart, and I blew it with some random babblings about making dumb decisions when I was a teenager! My heart sank deeper and deeper as I went through the message over and over in my head, and the lies of the enemy took over my rational thinking!
At the end of the service, a friend came up and said what a great message it was. Now, I love my friends dearly, but sometimes I’m unsure of their complete honesty! It’s not that they would outright lie to me, but maybe it was more of an encouragement than the actual truth!
But then a woman came up to me and shared how much my message had spoken to her son and his girlfriend who are not Christians. She said my message was absolutely perfect and was just what they needed to hear. Then a man in the row behind me shared how the message was just for him, how it resonated with him and what he went through as a teenager. As I was walking out the door another woman stopped me to share how it had impacted her.
What the heck? Did these people hear my message? Did they hear what I actually said?
During the week the woman who said it had touched her son reminded me again when I caught up with her, how much it had impacted them and what a great timely message it was!
So I am left saying to myself (and anyone else who will listen!) “God, you are awesome!” Despite what we may think of ourselves, despite what we may tell ourselves or the way we feel about what we may have said or done, God can and will work through us. He just asks us to be obedient and He can turn what we see as a mess into a message!