Remember the In Crowd at School?
Remember how everyone wanted to be part of their club?
Remember how it felt to not be part of it?
Well, those memories came flooding back to me a couple of weeks ago when we attended a Conference.
It was our first Conference as “Pastors” and I was nervous! All my insecurities seem to come to the surface and I was doubting my Leadership abilities. “Breath Kathy, just breath. You can do this!”
As we walked into the first session we all had our wrist bands on to say that we had paid, and as I looked around I noticed there were different colours. Mine was blue, as were most peoples around me. But I noticed some had red bands and a couple of them even had green bands.
As we all raised our hands in worship I couldn’t help but notice those red bands (I know, I know, I was meant to have my eyes shut in Worship, but I was totally distracted by the red bands!)
Why did they have red bands?
What did it mean?
Why didn’t I have a red band?
And so as my mind wandered off on tangents, I started feeling ridiculously insecure. Why didn’t I get a red band? Was I meant to have one and they got it wrong? What was I missing out on? What will people think of my blue band?
And I almost started to panic. I needed a red band! I needed to be part of the in crowd! Should I go and ask for a red band? I need one to fit in? I need to be seen having a red band!
I started to think about Max Lucado’s book “You are Special” I must have read that book to the kids 1000 times when they were little, it was one of my favourites and so I know it pretty well.
If you don’t know the story, you can watch it here.
Wow! As I shut my eyes (like I should have done the first time!) looking up in worship instead of around me, the tears started streaming down my face. I apologised to God for allowing what other people thought of me to be more important than what He thinks of me. For wanting to be part of the”In Crowd” instead of being ok with who I am and where He has me. For allowing comparison to creep into my heart and for letting my insecurities get the best of me.
I looked at the band on my wrist, smiled and decided I wouldn’t let this blue band ruin the conference for me. I was ok with a blue band, in fact, I really like blue! Whether or not I was in the worldly In Crowd, I was in Gods In Crowd, and really that’s what matters!
And you know what? To this day, I still don’t even know what the difference was between the blue bands and the red bands. And honestly, it doesn’t matter!!