I was having coffee with a close friend the other day and she asked how I was.
I gave my usual “I am good” and went to carry on our conversation, but she looked right past my words and into my heart and she asked me again “No, really, how are you?”
I fought back the tears and spoke the words I knew were inside of me but were holding them back for fear of it being real….”You know what, I think I have lost my joy.”
There. I said it. Out loud for her to hear. I have lost my joy!
And as the words echoed out loud, I let myself feel the sadness that has been eating away at me for some time.
I let myself dwell on what that meant. I let myself think about when and where I lost my joy. I thought about what this meant not only for me but for those around me as well.
Now please don’t get me wrong. I love my life. I am beyond blessed and I am so grateful for where I am, everything I have and for the love of family and good friends. But somewhere along the way I have lost my joy.
Joy is not a word I would often use. I would say I am happy, I am content, I am excited (yep, I tend to use that one a lot!) I am grateful, but joy, well it’s not one I tend to use.
But the minute I spoke it out loud, I knew that joy was exactly what I was missing.
So I spent some time reflecting on this and I realised that joy and happiness are very different things. I can be happy without having joy. I can be happy because of outside influences, but joy, joy is true contentment that comes from internal factors like faith in Christ. True joy is everlasting and not dependent on our circumstances.
The Bible teaches that happiness is fleeting because it often depends on things outside of ourselves, but true joy is eternal because it is based on our relationship with Jesus Christ, which is itself an everlasting source of joy.
So back to me and my joy….or lack of it!
I need it back! I need to find my joy again. But as I’m learning, it is not something I can go and just find. It is not something that I can create, or conjure up. If only it was as easy as popping into K-Mart and getting some when I ran out! Nope, it is something that comes from within. It is something that I am only going to find when I spend time with my Creator. When I spend time with the One who knows me better than I know myself! When I take the time out of my ‘busy’ life to invest in what really matters. When I stop and listen….really listen to who He says I am.
So this week I am on a mission! I am determined to get the ‘joyful Kathy’ back that I once was. To rediscover who I am and what that looks like. To fill my soul with the only thing that can give me the joy I so desperately need!
Here I go, friends…….