That’s a tough question.
Well, it is for me and for some other women I know!
We had a women’s event at Church the other night, and as you do at women’s events, we had some ice breaker questions. You know, those questions that we all love to hate! We had the usual ones, who would you like to have dinner with (Easy, Johnny Depp) who would you like to be for a day (Again, easy….Johnny Depp’s dog) and if you could be in a movie, which one would it be (easy-peasy….any movie with Johnny Depp in it!)
But then this was this one question that stumped all of us….what is your best feature?
As we went around our table each one of us took a deep breath and thought long and hard. In my head, I was going through all the things I can’t stand about myself…..This is too big, that’s too small, this is too long, and that’s not long enough. I worked my way down and could only come up with the negatives. Come on Kathy, this is not that hard! You don’t hate EVERY part of your body, surely there is something you love? Surely?
As I looked at the other women, I could see that I was not the only one struggling. When it came turn for us to speak out our best feature, all of us fumbled and struggled to speak out loud what we loved about ourselves!
Why is it so hard?
Why is it so hard to speak positive words about ourselves out loud?
Earlier that day I had been in a Pastors meeting and we talked about how each and every one of us is God’s masterpiece. We had to say it out loud, and to be honest, I had no trouble with this…..maybe it was because I didn’t fully believe it and maybe because I wasn’t being specific. But that night at the women’s event I struggled. This wasn’t a self-pity thing, for me it was just fact!
As we went around the group we shared what we loved about each person and what we thought their best feature was, and then we moved on with the night!
But I couldn’t let it go! If I am God’s masterpiece, and God does not make mistakes, then why do I struggle so much with the way he made me! Surely if I am a masterpiece I should be able to ramble on about my best features and be confident in the way I am made!
This is not a conceited thing, it’s about being ok with who you are, and for me, this is a constant battle. Some weeks I am like “I am awesome! I can conquer the world, God has great plans for me, I am fearfully and wonderfully made (as I tell my Daughters of the King girls every chance I get) but then there are other weeks when I look in the mirror and I just don’t get what other people see! I stand there and all I can say is “Really God?”
When did we start believing the lies of the enemy?
When did we lose the self-confidence and assurance we had as little girls?
And so this week I am trying hard to look in the mirror and not focus on all the bits I don’t like. I am trying to look through God’s lens and to be ok with all the bits that I wish were different. I am being ok with this outer shell, because ultimately I know, it really is whats on the inside that is the true beauty.