God never yells at me!
I am sure I have given Him many opportunities over the years, but when He really wants my attention He whispers to me.
He whispers my name ever so gently and I know He means business.
The #DOT-K weekend was beyond anything I could have dreamed of. God was in every detail and in every conversation, and I could never convey on paper all that happened over the weekend. I was moved to tears so many times, and I had to explain to the girls that if they saw me crying, they were happy tears and that really, I was ok.
But the weekend got off to a bit of a shaky start. We sat down for dinner on Friday night, and a 9-year-old told me she couldn’t eat her dinner. “Why not sweetie, I don’t remember Mum putting on your form that you have allergies?” “No, it’s not that, I can’t eat it because I am fat.”
And with that, my heart was undone before the weekend even began. I explained to her that she would need lots of energy this weekend and it was ok to eat her dinner. She nodded and proceeded to eat. I excused myself and went to the bathroom, the tears already streaming down my face and the overwhelming feeling that I was out of my depth flooded my body again.
“God, I can’t do this! What made me think I could make a difference when we have 9-year-old girls worrying about their weight. This is so wrong God. We have girls being bullied at school and other girls who are calling themselves ugly and now beautiful girls thinking they are fat. Seriously God, the problems are too huge, I can’t do this.”
Now at this point, God would have had every right to yell at me. To tell me to pull my head in and suck it up. To get over myself and just get on with it! But instead, He whispered to me. “Kathy. Take a deep breathe and breathe in my peace. Breathe in my love for you and for these girls. I haven’t asked you to save the whole world, I have just asked you to speak truth into these girls, and I know you can do it. Kathy, I have called you, I have equipped you and I believe in you.”
And with those whispered words swirling around my heart, I wiped my face, got myself together and resolved that I would not let the enemy’s lies take me out, and they were certainly not going to take out these girls……not on my watch!
As I walked back into the dining room, one of the girls saw me and rushed up and gave me a hug, for some reason she just clung to me and wouldn’t let go. And as I hugged her back, I knew she needed me just as much as I was needing that hug in that moment.
There were so many heartbreaking moments over the weekend as I listened to story after story of what these girls face on a daily basis. I don’t think the tears stopped all weekend. We prayed and we prophesied over every girl and God healed. He moved and restored in a way I had only dreamed off. Lies were being broken off and He was replacing them with His truth.
Now, we didn’t fix all the problems but it is my prayer that we have given the girls tools they can use when they are feeling less than all who God has called them to be.
But can I also just say we had FUN! Oh my goodness, did we have fun! Camp chants, songs around the campfire, crazy dance parties, talent shows and so much laughter that my sides ached! The team that God put around me were phenomenal and all of them went above and beyond what was asked of them!
So I would have to say “Chosen” was a success. When people ask how it went, I still struggle to find the words to accurately describe all God did. I feel humbled that He thought me worthy to speak His truth to His girls, and I am so thankful He gently spoke to me. That he whispered into my heart “Kathy, I believe in you.”