So I have been doing this whole “Pastor’s Wife” thing for 6 months now. I know right, where does the time go.
And I’m sure the question on your lips is “Have you got the hang of it yet?” Well, to be honest, I don’t know that I will ever get the hang of it!
People are funny creatures and whether I like it or not, a lot of people have preconceived idea’s about what a Pastors Wife should be like. How she should act, how she should dress and the way she should present herself. Now I am learning that I am who I am and I can’t try and be someone I’m not (actually I have never really done that, what you see is what you get!) But I am slowly learning to accept who I am. I am learning that I can’t please everyone and not everyone will like me or the way I do things. I am learning to be ok with all of that, and I am learning to be ok with me!
But the thing I am not ok with is the fact that I constantly feel overwhelmed!
Not overwhelmed at my workload or the things that are expected of me. Not overwhelmed at the thought of leading a group of women into who God has called them to be (actually, that part I really love!) Not even overwhelmed at the pressure I put on myself because I want people to like me!
The thing that really gets me is the enormous hurt and the need that is out there. And it’s not even “out there” it is within our Chuch!
Every week we have the privilege of praying with people and are privy to what some of them are walking through. And to be honest, it’s overwhelming! My heart breaks at what some people are facing in their lives. I stand there and hold back the tears (well, mostly!) and listen as they pour out their hearts. We listen, we pray and then they walk into their week, and I am left with an overwhelming sadness that some days completely consumes me.
How can I solve everyone’s problems?
How can I take their hurt away?
How do I make things easier for them?
How do I stop my prayer life just becoming a shopping list of hurting people?
How do I fix everyone?
And the whole point in all of this is that I can’t!
I can’t fix everyone’s problems and I can’t heal the broken hearted. It is not up to me and it never was! God doesn’t expect me to fix people, that is His job. And really, who am I to think I can do His job?
But, in saying all of that, He has called me. He has called me to stand with people as He ministers to them. He has called me to do what I can and leave the rest to Him. He has called me to be his hands and feet in this broken world. He has called me to point people to Him. To remind people that He is the healer and ultimately in all I do, it’s to point people to Him.
So as I take a deep breathe, and head into another week, I am trying to keep my overwhelmed feelings in check! I am reminding myself that He doesn’t make mistakes, and I am exactly where He wants me. I am reminding myself that He has equipped me for this role. And I am reminding myself to lean into Him and let him carry the burden for me!