The Death of a Dream.

It is never easy saying goodbye.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a temporary goodbye or a permanent one, they are hard.

I have had a couple of goodbyes this week, and neither of them was particularly fun! The first one was when I dropped Phil at the airport. He has flown off to India and Indonesia for 10 days. Thankfully this goodbye is only temporary and I get to pick him up again in another 5 sleeps…..yay!

The other goodbye was a permanent one and this one was not so easy.
You see, a few years ago I had a dream. Now, to be honest, I don’t know if this was a God dream or just something that I pursued on my own accord, but either way it was definitely something I wanted.

I held on to this dream in the hopes that one day it would become a reality. And funnily enough, it did! Just recently I was offered an opportunity that a couple of years ago I would have jumped at. It was something I truly wanted. But as with everything I prayed about it to make sure it was right, and I got a no! A big fat resounding NO! Not even a maybe, it was a flat out no!

Really God?
But what if this is a really good thing?
What if it was what I was meant to be doing?
Why would it come up if it wasn’t right?
But God, I really want to do this!

So many questions flooded my mind, but even though none of them were answered, I still knew it was a no!

And so I spoke to the person who had asked me and said that I had prayed about it, and it just wasn’t right. She was completely understanding and thanked me for even considering the opportunity.

Door closed.

I knew I had done the right thing, but then it hit me…..the doubts, fears and insecurity that I had made the wrong choice:

Maybe I should have said yes?
Maybe I will never be asked again?
What if this was my only chance?
What if I had just missed out on something amazing?

FOMO (fear of missing out) had hit me big time and I suddenly doubted everything I knew I had heard from God.
As Phil was away I knew I had to talk to someone about this before I changed my mind again and made a wrong decision or worse, let this FOMO take over completely!

I am so super blessed with good friends and so I chatted to 2 of them about it (one in NZ and one in the USA, cause you know, it’s good to get international opinions right?)
I am so thankful to both of them for talking sense into me and showing me the things I couldn’t see…or chose not to see.

One friend said to me “It’s ok to grieve” and with that, the tears started flowing. It was like this huge release and all of a sudden it was ok that I was sad. It was ok that I was struggling, and it was ok to feel disappointed. Just because we make the right decision, doesn’t always mean it is the easy one!

So I have processed it all this week, I have chatted with God, and let Him know (like He didn’t already!!) that I was sad.  He reassured me I would be ok, and He reminded me that He has plenty of opportunities out there for me when the time is right.

So friends, it’s ok to grieve! It’s ok to say goodbye to a dream. It’s ok to feel sad when things don’t go as you think they should. And it’s ok to feel disappointed. But let’s not stay there! Grieve and move on. Don’t dwell on what might have been, focus instead on the open doors ahead of you, knowing God is always a good God, and His plans are way better than what any of us could dream up!