This is not something that Kiwi’s say a lot!

“I am proud of myself!”

Even if we are, we won’t admit it. We will most likely get shot down, accused of being big headed and conceited, and given weird looks as though to say “Who do you think you are?”

But you know what? I don’t care this week!

“I am proud of myself!”

I am proud of the progress I have made over the last couple of years.

You see, the #DOTK retreat is coming up this weekend and I am handling it well! I am breathing and I am functioning. I am surviving and I am in a good space.

Okay, to be honest, I have had moments of sheer panic, but they have quickly dissipated and I have pulled myself back together.

The thing is, the last couple of years that the #DOTK retreats have been happening, I have gone into hiding! I shut myself off from the world. I canceled life as I know it, I avoided any and everyone, and I stopped functioning as a mature adult! I would say no to anything that came my way and my whole life seems to fall apart for the entire week leading up to camp, and then somehow, miraculously, I get myself back together and life carried on again.

But this year is different!
This year I have not fallen apart. I have not stopped breathing and I have not stopped my life!
I did not cancel book club this week.
I did not cancel my mentoring session with one of my gorgeous girls.
I did not stop cleaning the house and cooking meals.
I didn’t say no to a speaking opportunity the very week after camp.
I have continued functioning as an adult. And actually, I have been doing a good job!

Now this may not sound like a big deal to anyone else, but to me, it is huge. It shows the progress I have made. It shows how I am leaning more into God and that I am allowing Him to grow my capacity. It proves to myself that I am capable and I can take on more than I think I can. And it shows me that I am not the same person I was even this time last year!

So I am allowing myself to bask in the knowledge this week that I am growing more and more into the woman God is calling me to be. I am proud of my seemingly small achievements and the progress that I am seeing. And I am so proud that I have not fallen apart this week!

Yep, I am proud of myself!