Starting 2020 In The Wasteland…..

Okay, so maybe that’s a little extreme!
I’m not completely in a wasteland but 2020 has definitely had an interesting start.

After last year’s journey, I was ready for an “easier” year. Now, to be honest, I wasn’t sure what that would look like, maybe me lying on a tropical beach with a fruity drink in my hand! Okay, so I didn’t really think it would quite look like that, but I am so ready for something less taxing than what 2019 brought.

I figured a good way to start the year was to ask God for a promise! I got up early on Jan 1st before everyone else surfaced and I sat with God. I desperately needed to hear His voice as I walked into 2020.

God took me to Joel 2:25…..
“I will restore to you the years the locusts have stolen.”

What an awesome promise to start the year with, but as soon as I had read the verse, God reminded me that often with a promise comes a process, and I was to read The Book of Joel, fast and repent for what was to come. I was to read the entire Book of Joel every day for the month of January.

I hate to admit, but I don’t know the book of Joel well.  And as I read the 3 chapters, I couldn’t help but wonder how this was relevant to me! But God reassured me He would reveal more as I faithfully read.

God gave me 3 words that would sum up 2020:

Rend.
Repent.
Restore.

A beautiful promise intertwined with a beautiful journey of discovery. That’s what 2020 holds for me. And actually, if I let myself, I get kinda excited.

Excited about what I’ll discover about myself.
Excited at what I’ll discover about God.
Excited for the healing that will come.

But as with most things, it will come at a cost. For me, part of the cost is laying down everything that (I feel) brings me value for the first 3 months of the year….and when God says everything, He means everything! (Hence, where the wasteland comes in!)
Every position and title I hold is being laid down. Even social media is off limits while I discover who I am in God…without the titles or approval of man!

And it’s hard.
And it hurts.
And it’s not what I had planned.
And it’s not what I dreamed.

But this season is about me and God and discovering who He says I am. To get my approval from Him and not man. To discover what it means to just be. No striving, no working, no pleasing man, just being.
How do I even do that when for so long I have strived and worked for acceptance?

The human side of me sees this as a punishment but I know God has to get rid of the desire to please people and to strive for acceptance before I can move forward in Him. I know there’s going to be repentance for my rebellious nature, for not slowing down when He told me to, for not listening to His promptings and for thinking I was “fine” when clearly I wasn’t! But I am ready (I think!) to begin the process. To start the healing. To begin again.

As I kickstart this beautiful journey, reading, studying, being, I am mindful of all God has promised. And I’m determined to play my part in the process to get His glorious promise for my life!