Streams In The Wasteland

Last week I was blessed with 4 days at the Lake.
By myself. Just me and God.
Well actually, me, God and my 1000 thoughts! But even before I had left, I had sabotaged this trip:

What if I waste the time?
What if I don’t come home with answers?
What if God doesn’t speak to me?
What if I don’t solve all the world’s problems in 4 days? (seriously?!)

As usual, my mind had wandered so far down the path of self-destruction, I wasn’t sure if I could bring it back and actually enjoy my time away. I was looking forward to it but had put so much pressure on myself to come home with all my boxes ticked!

As I spent time with God the first morning, He took me to 2 Samuel 22:2 (don’t you just love all those two’s?)

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer:
My God is my rock in whom I take refuge.”

He then took me to Isaiah 43:19:

“…..I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”

And with those verses, I took a deep breath and breathed in the goodness of God. This was a time He had gifted me. A stream in the desert. A wee oasis. A place of rest amidst the storm. A time to rest and enjoy His creation. A gift of time with Him. So I put on worship music, let the expectations I had placed on myself fall off, and allowed myself to just breathe.

Now, to be honest, I had to fight the thoughts that I wasn’t worthy enough for this gift, but God dispelled those lies and I began to relax.

I went for 2 hour walks around the lake.
I wandered around the shops and ate fries.
I got up at 6 am and watched the sunrise over the lake.
I read a book in the sunshine.
I breathed deep.
I spent time with God. Me and Him. Just hanging. No agenda.

It was beautiful and I was thankful.
Thankful that God loves me so much He would gift me this time. Amongst the turmoil which seems to be my life at the moment, He gently reminded me He is not just a God of fixing things and giving answers, but He is my rock and my refuge. I can come to Him and sit. Just be with Him. And He delights in that. He delights in me.

God spoke clearly. He can do that when I am not distracted by 1000 other things. When I sit with Him and allow Him to be all I need. When I realize that even without all the answers I think I desperately need, He is enough. And I am enough in Him.

So the truth is I didn’t come home with all the answers, and I didn’t solve all the world’s problems (no surprises there!)
That was never God’s plan. But I did come home having breathed God in deeply, having sat by the water (literally and figurately) enjoying Him and His creation, and craving more of Him.

I guess that was His plan all along!