The Dark Side Of Grief

We lost a friend this week.
He literally dropped dead.
No disease (that we knew of), no accident, no illness, he literally fell to the ground and died.

How do you even start to process that? He was only a year older than me and was in what seemed to be the prime of his life. And now he walks this earth no more. No more conversations about missions and the crazy times we had in the mountains of Indonesia. No more joking over nearly missing a plane so he could watch the All Blacks. No more stories of testimonies of what God was doing in his life. No more anything with him!

My heart is sad and heavy and when I get like this, I question all things I think I know. What is the point…..in anything!
Now, I know there is always hope when God is involved but when there seem to be so many unanswered questions and sadness overwhelms me, I tend to go to the dark side of grief:
What’s the point in anything?
Why did this have to happen?
Why did God take him?
Am I next?
Is one of my family members next?
Everything just seems so trivial?

So many unanswered questions swirl around my head and if I’m not careful I can lose my anchor.

But believe it or not, there is a lighter side to grief:
He is now dancing with Jesus.
His life is being talked about and testimony is given to the goodness of God.
God’s message of redemption will be shared at his memorial service.
Family, friends, and colleagues come together to support one another.
There is hope for after this earthly life.

So as I keep myself anchored in God, I will grieve for the loss of my friend. It’s selfish grief I know, but still, I will grieve over all we have lost. And I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty as he collects my tears and hears my prayers.

I am trying my darndest to dwell on the lighter side of grief this week. It would be ridiculous to think I will not grieve and so I’m trying to grieve well. To not hold it all in and act like life just carries on…..even though it does! I hold close to my anchor (and family) and know God is always good and always has a plan. I will praise Him for a man who honoured Him and lived his life accordingly. I will laugh and I will cry. I will be thankful and I will grieve. And above all, I will praise God as I remember this amazing friend.