Where Is God When You Need Him?
The short answer……right next to me.
The longer answer…..
As I sit here in front of my laptop for the first time in (several) months, it feels strangely comforting. As though I am meeting with an old friend. A friend whom I’ve missed and long to connect with again. It feels right and it feels familiar. I breathe a deep breath of contentment.
I started this blog 11 years ago and as I look back through some of my earlier blogs, I realize how far I have come. Not just in my writing, but in my journey of becoming, and most importantly, in my relationship with God.
I have had so many occasions to question God this year. From health issues, to where we will live, to my calling, and my role in Church. To where I belong and where I fit in. The tension between work and ministry. The list could go on, but I’ll leave it there before I expose too many of my inner thoughts!
Through all my questions and doubts, though, one thing I have never doubted is where God is. Years ago I would have questioned where he was. Why was he so quiet, and why wasn’t he rescuing me? I would have been like a stuck record (do Millennials even know what that looks like?) whining and whinging to God about my situation and asking where he was. Feeling alone as I battled on in my own strength.
In my maturity (I guess you can call it that!) I have learned that God’s distance from me never changes. It is only my perception of where he is, that changes.
He is as constant as the Northern Star.
He is and will always be the same.
It is me that wanders.
It’s me that feels distant.
It is me who withdraws.
It is me who second-guesses and questions.
He is constant. Always and forever.
It’s that consistency that has got me through the last few months. When my breathing was so incredibly hard I felt like I was breathing through a straw. When our house still hasn’t sold, when I feel like I have lost my way, when nothing makes sense.
He is constant. He is always there. Just waiting for me to connect with him. To open up my heart and allow him to heal what is broken. To pick me up and put my feet upon the rock. He is my shelter and my refuge. He is where I run to when things don’t make sense. And he whispers to me repeatedly “Be still and know that I am God”.
God is there when I need him, and he’s there when I don’t! (But really, when do we not need God?)
And so I get up every morning and daily commit my life to his will. I allow him to lead me and my wayward thoughts. I focus fully on him and do not allow my emotions or my circumstances to dictate how I live.
He will make a way where there is no way.
He will guide, and lead.
He will open doors and he will close doors.
He will be my rock and my refuge.
He will be all I ever need, and in time, he will reveal all he has for me.
Until then, I will wait.
Patiently. Purposefully. Prayfuly.
