So every week I sit down and I write. I write what comes into my head and what comes into my heart. Some weeks the words flow and I feel like I could write forever and other weeks, it’s a little harder and I struggle to find the right words. Some weeks it’s from the depths of my heart and some weeks its random silliness, and I just write it as it comes!
Either way I just write. It’s something I love and something I know God has asked me to do for this season. I am not sure of all his reasons right now, but I know He will make them clear to me at the right time! I know there is a bigger picture that I am yet to see, so until then I will faithfully keep walking….. Or writing as the case may be!
Last week when I was speaking at our Women’s Conference, I had so many women come up to me and say how much they love my blog! How I have encouraged them and inspired them with my writings. To say I was completely blown away would be an understatement! Some of these women, I knew well and some of them I had never met before, but they were all reading my blog! What the heck?
I had no idea so many people out there were reading my musings! My subscription list isn’t huge by any means and some of them haven’t even liked my Facebook page, but here they were reading my blog!
God had told me when I first started, to just write! To not worry about who was reading them and who wasn’t, but to just write. And so from the start that is what I have done. I haven’t been obsessed about how many followers I have, or how many page hits google tells me I have had. I haven’t gotten upset when I know someone isn’t following me, when they have unsubscribed from my blog, when there have been no comments or when someone close to me doesn’t say “Great blog” every week, or ever!
Nope, every week I just write……. Except for this week!
I sat down to write and I thought about all the people I now know are reading this and I panicked!
- What if this isn’t what they want to read?
- What if I’m not funny enough or worse, what if I’m boring?
- What about all my spelling and grammar mistakes?
- What if they think my writing is as shallow as a puddle?
- What if, what if, what if!
And so I sat down and tried to write something super witty, over the top spiritually amazing and using words that would wow people, you know big long words so people would think I was a bellwether! (And yes, that is a word, but I did have to look up the meaning!)
Ahhhh, the pressure was building! The more I wrote, the less it sounded like me and the more it sounded like someone I wasn’t! I can’t do this……..
But as gracious as God always is, He gently reminded me that all He has asked me to do is write. Not try and impress anyone, get people to like me, or even get more followers. He has told me to write and He will do the rest, whatever that will be!
And so I deleted the last post and this is what I am left with……. me! Just me, and that’s ok, that’s all God has ever asked of me!