All Of A Sudden!

“Wow, that happened all of a sudden!”

I hear this so often!
People don’t mean anything by it. They see things happen and to them, it happened “all of a sudden.”

The truth is, I don’t believe in all of a suddens. Not when it comes to life with God. What I do believe in though, is prayer, petition, and waiting on Him.

I have been in a holding pattern for the last year and a half. God has made it clear that my journey of healing and restoration is not over. I’m not where I was (Praise the Lord!) but I’m also not where He wants me to be. Whether or not I ever get “there” is not the point. It’s a process, it takes time, and God has lessons for me along the way.

I am slowly dipping my toes in the water in a few areas (with God’s permission) and it feels good. Good but also a little scary. It feels like life is returning to some kind of normal. 

Now I am under no illusions that there is one “normal” for all society. But there is a normal for me. There is a rhythm and a routine that I have missed in this last season.

I know what it feels like to be in the wilderness, wandering without a clear path to follow. Sitting. Waiting. Anticipating what is to come, yet not moving. Camping in a desert that is unfamiliar, one I never thought I would be in. Knowing God has ordained this, knowing He has done this because He loves. But also knowing that wandering and waiting is not my usual modus operandi, and to be honest, I don’t like it. It’s uncomfortable, to say the least.

I like clear. I like direction. And I love structure and order. To have those things stripped from me has been excruciating.
But God is always there.
He is in the unseen.
He is there when I am on my knees in prayer.
He is there to wipe the tears as they stream down my face.
He is there when I can’t stop asking questions, and when I have no words at all.
He is there when I feel left out and abandoned.
He is there when the world judges.
He is always there.

So as I slowly come out of the wilderness and as I find a new path to follow, I will continue to lean in on Him. To allow Him to set the pace and to not run ahead. Allowing Him to guide, lead and prompt. And I will be patient and obedient in it all.
It may look like “all of a sudden” to those watching. But my “all of a sudden” has come at a price. One that has cost me dearly, but one that I would gladly pay again to get where I am and to now know what I know.